Assertiveness Training - This document outlines a practical approach Saying No. Without actually using the word you can develop the ability to resist or sidestep being manovered into doing something you really don't want to do.
What exactly is The Art of Saying No?
A lot of people just don't like the idea of having to tell people they can't do something. Or they feel obligated when a colleague asks a favour; or feel pressurised when someone senior to them needs something done.
There are even some work places where saying no is definitely frowned upon; and in, say, the police force, could be a sackable or disciplinary offence.
After having worked for some time with people where saying no either feels impossible or just isn't allowed, we created a body of assertiveness work to address it. In some cases it is indeed, how to say no without ever saying the word.
Of course, there are times when saying the 'n' word is a necessity. But in our experience, there is so much anxiety around the possible consequences of using it, that unassertive people don't say anything at all, or agree to things they'd rather not, or get landed with work that isn't theirs and so on.
That can't be good for anyone, but especially the person who finds themselves staying late at the end of the day to get their own work done after they've finished everyone else's; or who swallows their resentment when they are 'volunteered' for something they don't want to do; or who quakes at the idea of having to be a bit tougher with a supplier or even someone they manage.
How Did Assertiveness Training All Get Started?
Assertiveness training really got started in a big way around the time that 'women's liberation' was gaining momentum. Assertiveness Courses began to spring up, initially in the US, that offered women the understanding and skills to give them more confidence in the world of male-dominated workplaces.
The idea of assertiveness has evolved and perhaps become less strident. In the early days lots of the assertiveness advice was about just stand your ground, just say no, be a broken record. Assertiveness Training like that may help people feel good in the first instance, but because it usually goes again the grain of who they really are, they can easily get worn down and in a very short space of time, go back to being as unassertive as they were before.
Actually, that kind of assertiveness training can be a bit like binge dieting: you lose weight on a crash diet, then gain more back once your natural self re-asserts (!) itself. So with assertiveness training of the just stand your ground type: a couple of failures will put you right back to square one or even worse - you won't feel too good about trying stuff out again.
Interestingly enough, the dictionary definitions of assertiveness do back that "in your face" style: it's all about declaring yourself, defending your rights and thrusting yourself forward.
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