Assertiveness skills training tipsAssertiveness Training - This document outlines a practical approach Saying No. Without actually using the word you can develop the ability to resist or sidestep being manovered into doing something you really don't want to do. | ||
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Managing feelingsAm I A Lost Cause Then?Good question. A lot of unassertive people get caught up in a cycle of behaviour: being over-accommodating, building up resentments, exploding into aggression (the aggression, by the way, may be internal as well as or instead of external), going back to compliance, and then the whole thing starts all over again. Looked at from that point of view it's all about extremes, isn't it? Compliant and passive at one end of the spectrum, aggressive and attacking at the other end. When you behave primarily at the two ends of this spectrum, you've left out a whole lot of alternative behaviour in the middle that could suit your personality, resolve some tricky issues, and make your life a whole lot easier So, no, you're not a lost cause! What you may have to do is look at how to operate in the middle bit of the spectrum to get better, more effective results. Managing Strong FeelingsIt needs to be acknowledged that the strong feelings associated with changing behaviour are real and valid. Once people do that, then these (usually difficult) feelings can be looked upon as a good thing, a sign that something new is happening. At this point people can start to 'choose' to have these feelings rather than having to endure them or trying to pretend they are not happening. The idea of choice is very important. If people feel they have real choice about how they behave, they start to realise that it can be OK to put up with something they don't like. They can choose it because they want to; it is to their advantage. They then avoid the disempowering tyranny of always having to assert themselves. (Which is almost as bad as feeling you always have to be compliant or nice.) Many people think that in order to be assertive, you need to ignore what you are feeling and just 'stand your ground'. In fact, you ignore those feelings at your peril. Often the magnitude of peoples' feelings is way out of proportion to what the situation warrants. They may well reflect a previous difficult event more accurately. But because that previous difficulty was so difficult, it feels as though every similar situation will be the same. It is only by beginning to experience and understand how crippling these feelings can be that people can start to do anything about changing their behaviour. Many people know what they could say; they know what they could do. Most 'unassertive' people have conversations in their heads about how to resolve a conflict they're in; but still, their mouths say 'yes', while their heads say 'no'. Knowing what to do or say is not the issue here. Therefore, in looking at practising 'the art of saying no', it is wise to broaden the brief to so that it isn't about becoming more assertive; rather it's about changing your behaviour to fit the circumstances. While in many circumstances assertiveness can be a straight jacket of it's own (often creating resistance and resentment), the full lexicon of behaviour can be freeing, because there is choice in the matter. Using charm, humour, telling the truth or even deliberate manipulation, may well get you what you want without having to attempt behaviour that may go against your personality.
If you add a dash of fun or mischief, The Art of Saying No becomes a doable prospect, rather than another difficult mountain to climb. Next page saying no Home page assertiveness skills tips Read more about assertiveness skills training, development and coaching tips @ Impact Factory Find Impact Factorys next available Open Assertiveness Skills Course For Tailored Assertiveness Skills Training see Assertiveness Skills Training For One-to-One Assertiveness Skills see Executive Coaching If you want some in-depth thoughts about Assertiveness, read the article called Is Assertiveness the Only Way |